Throughout my short 23 years I have learned that not everyone you meet is worth your kindness, even if you share the same family tree.
Friends and family members alike can, and at times do let you down. Countless times I have met someone and had a friend of mine shower his or her negative opinion of that person onto me. However, I have always been a believer in “seeing for myself”. I give everyone a chance to prove him or herself to be genuine and trustworthy and I notoriously give out second and third chances but I’ve learned.
Growing up in a large Irish and German family there is bound to be a member you hope gets the common cold and can’t make it to a family gathering. I used to hear whispers about this uncle or that cousin but it wasn’t until I got older that I started to hear the “good stuff”, the real juicy details that I wasn’t allowed to hear back in the day. Lucky for me, a lot of the stories are hysterical and shed light on a family member whose young and reckless college days are anything but a mirror image of the success stories they’ve become. Then there are others who everyone always hinted at as the “problem child” or “the bad egg” and over the years those stories have turned into personal experiences. The passive aggressive comments, the sarcastic remarks, and the blatant disrespect becomes exhausting to deal with. After too many chances this person has reached their credit line of kindness from me.
This person wasn't always like this though. He was my favorite growing up. My partner in crime, the boy who taught me not to care what anyone thinks and be myself, my stiffest competitor in kick-ball, and the only cousin who could run as fast as me. We were pranksters, tricking our younger siblings into going out in the snow in just their pajamas then running around the house locking all the doors and cracking up when they tried to get back in. Always picking each other first to be on our team for touch-football in the backyard, and driving our parents insane with our high energy. We were inseparable and I never thought that would've changed.
You don’t get to choose your family; you just have to hope they’re the kind of people you would’ve chosen yourself if you had the choice. What I’ve known for a while is I tend to be too nice and only speak up when I’m truly offended. I said, “He’ll change” when he vandalized my parents property. I said, “He’ll pay them back” when he stole thousands of dollars from his own parents. But this last time I said, “Go fuck yourself” when he uttered words about my immediate family.
Not every family is perfect and not everyone on your family tree deserves to remain there. Just like its okay to remove a toxic friend from your life, it’s also okay to remove a toxic relative from your life. Maybe over time maturity and appreciation for all my family has done for this person will set in and they’ll do a 180 with an apology in hand. Wishful thinking? Probably.
“Don’t let negative and toxic people rent space in your head. Raise the rent and kick them out!” –Robert Tew
~ LD
Friends and family members alike can, and at times do let you down. Countless times I have met someone and had a friend of mine shower his or her negative opinion of that person onto me. However, I have always been a believer in “seeing for myself”. I give everyone a chance to prove him or herself to be genuine and trustworthy and I notoriously give out second and third chances but I’ve learned.
Growing up in a large Irish and German family there is bound to be a member you hope gets the common cold and can’t make it to a family gathering. I used to hear whispers about this uncle or that cousin but it wasn’t until I got older that I started to hear the “good stuff”, the real juicy details that I wasn’t allowed to hear back in the day. Lucky for me, a lot of the stories are hysterical and shed light on a family member whose young and reckless college days are anything but a mirror image of the success stories they’ve become. Then there are others who everyone always hinted at as the “problem child” or “the bad egg” and over the years those stories have turned into personal experiences. The passive aggressive comments, the sarcastic remarks, and the blatant disrespect becomes exhausting to deal with. After too many chances this person has reached their credit line of kindness from me.
This person wasn't always like this though. He was my favorite growing up. My partner in crime, the boy who taught me not to care what anyone thinks and be myself, my stiffest competitor in kick-ball, and the only cousin who could run as fast as me. We were pranksters, tricking our younger siblings into going out in the snow in just their pajamas then running around the house locking all the doors and cracking up when they tried to get back in. Always picking each other first to be on our team for touch-football in the backyard, and driving our parents insane with our high energy. We were inseparable and I never thought that would've changed.
You don’t get to choose your family; you just have to hope they’re the kind of people you would’ve chosen yourself if you had the choice. What I’ve known for a while is I tend to be too nice and only speak up when I’m truly offended. I said, “He’ll change” when he vandalized my parents property. I said, “He’ll pay them back” when he stole thousands of dollars from his own parents. But this last time I said, “Go fuck yourself” when he uttered words about my immediate family.
Not every family is perfect and not everyone on your family tree deserves to remain there. Just like its okay to remove a toxic friend from your life, it’s also okay to remove a toxic relative from your life. Maybe over time maturity and appreciation for all my family has done for this person will set in and they’ll do a 180 with an apology in hand. Wishful thinking? Probably.
“Don’t let negative and toxic people rent space in your head. Raise the rent and kick them out!” –Robert Tew
~ LD